The Tale of The Two Osmans

This is a real story - cerita kantoi keluarga aku. So tak boleh masuk dalam sejarah Islam. Dah banyak kali aku bawa pada kawan2. So here goes....... Sometimes in the mid-90s (around 1995 I think).....my youngest brother found a girl that captured his heart. A kampung girl from Muar working in KL. We were a family of 11 siblings but two passed away masa kecil2, so 9 of us remain until today. The story began when my mother gave birth to the youngest brother (adik bongsu) in 1972 at Sg Petani Hospital. So he was the 11th child. When the 'misi' (nurse) came around to check on the little boy, she brought along borang pendaftaran kelahiran bayi. My mother was illiterate (ie she can't read or write Bahasa Rumi). Although dad could do simple arithmetic since he was Mandor at the rubber estate, he could not read either. In any case he was not around at the time. So, it was the nurse who helped her to fill up the borang. "Nak bagi nama apa makcik?" she asked. My mother (may Allah bless her and grant her maghfirah) was still drowsy after the delivery, but she managed to propose a name. "Bagi nama Osman lah." she said. "Baik........Osman bin Sudin?" the nurse asked just to make sure. "Macam tu lah,' my mom confirmed. Satisfied, the nurse left to do all the paperworks. It was only some while later that my mother, who had regained full awareness, realized with horror that she already had a son named Osman, abang sulung kami. But what to do, nasi sudah jadi bubur. "Mak syiok sangat nama tu..." my mom always said to justify her moments of infamy. Now we had two Osmans in our family. To add to the confusion, there was also another Sudin, a good friend of ayah, also in Kg Batu 3 Jalan Jeniang, Gurun, who named his son Osman! So, there were 3 Osman bin Sudins altogether in our small kampung. Luckily, as the adat was with the old folks, they used to give two names to their children, one the officially registered name, the other nama manja. And since the older Osman was already called Saidon (or Don), the little chap became Shahidan (Dan). So there were......Don and Dan bin Din in our family. I can't recall what the nama manja of the other Osman. Thereafter, it seemed that everything was fine and dandy. We only brought up the episode to tease emak whenever there was family gathering, but apart from that we thought nothing of it. Until 23 years later.... A few years after Osman Jr was introduced to this world, Osman Sr got a job as a Custom Officer. Soon the Sr was posted to Tambak Johor Custom and Immigration Checkpoint to catch those who smuggled in cheap batik jawa, Adidas Sneakers, Gudang Garam from The Lion City and bijih timah in the boots of their cars the opposite way. He fell in love with a JB girl, married her in 1978. They had a few kids the following years and decided to make home in JB. My littlest bro also grew up, went to school and worked in KL and found his dream Muar girl, sometimes around 93. Oh ya before I forget.....a few years before that, my father (may Allah forgive his sins and grant him Jannah) passed away in 1987. So it came to the day in 95 when this young man decided to marry the girl. Since he was the last in line, everyone was keen to make this a memorable occasion for Osman Jr. Hari merisik dan bertunang pun tiba. We all converged from many parts of Malaysia to Muar. Nak dijadikan cerita, since ayah dah tak ada, the chef-de-mission from our family was of course Osman Sr. Osman Jr joined the entourage too, but as dictated by adat, he was not allowed to go all the way to the girl's house. He stayed behind in one of Osman Sr's in-laws places....somewhere around Muar. We arrived at the girl's house, led by Osman Sr to ask the hands of the girl for Osman Jr. Now are you all getting a little bit of idea? We were ushered into the living room filled with the girl's relatives and a stern looking wakil pihak perempuan. After a short introduction from both sides, we got to know the wakil perempuan was a Polis Pencen. Can't remember his name but let's call him Encik XIO (ex Investigating Officer - Pegawai Penyiasat) because what went after that was a series of interrogation by the wakil. (Apologies for kawan2 yang ada ayah atau relative yg berkhidmat dgn PDRM......they all semua wonderful . But not that one) Through his detailed siasatan Encik XIO managed to determined the exact maskawin, duit hantaran to the ringgit and cents, the number of dulangs from pengantin perempuan dan lelaki, what kind of things in the dulang etc. We were just expecting some kind of mutual understanding, but that guy way drafting a UN resolution. Luck was that my sis in law (Osman Sr's wife) was in the catering line, and had served the Istana Johor of the late Almarhum Sultan Iskandar. So she was used to these kind of demands and more. So we managed to manoeuvre that quite well. After taking down the details of the hantaran, persalinan and all that, next question. "Jadi, sekarang semua dah dipersetujui, kita tetapkanlah harinya pulak ye?" said Encik XIO," Berapa lama nak bertunang ni?" Both parties agreed about 6 months. "Maknanya kita langsungkan pada bulan 8....begitu?" he asked. "Ya. Elok sangatlah tu, cuti penggal ke-2 kan?" said Osman Sr. The other party agreed. "Berapa minggu cutinya tu?" "Dua minggu," somebody answered. "Jadi yang pihak perempuan ambil awal cutilah gitu?" "InsyaAllah, macam tulah," Osman Sr said. "Hari apa tu, Sabtu ke Ahad?" Encik XIO getting into the grooves. "Yang tu boleh kita tetapkan bila dah dekat sikit kot," answered abang. He had already became weary due to the constant bombardment of questions.. "Dah semuanya ada sini, kita tetapkanlah sekarang....Tak le payah nak bincang2 balik nanti. Susah nak berkumpul semula," nagged Encik XIO. "Baiklah, ikut pihak sinilah" said abang, resistance was futile. "Cari kalendar bawak sini," ordered Encik XIO. Somebody brought out a calendar and they decided the exact date there and then. Habislah satu hal. See? Korang baca ni pun dah penat, apatah lagi abang aku yang menghadapi soal-siasat. Now....All that done, we felt a bit relaxed since Encik XIO had finished his questionnaires. It felt like just completing the masuk jawi procedure.....boys should know. However, the fat lady had not sung yet, "Baiklah, nampaknya semua dah selesai dan setuju, saya nak mintalah sikit maklumat dari pihak lelaki supaya senang berhubung. Kalau2 ada apa2 hal nanti, senang kita berbincang." Oh oh....ada lagi!! "Siapa yang pihak perempuan boleh hubungi nanti ya?" he asked. "Sayalah, saya tinggal kat Johor Baru, adik-beradik yang lain semua jauh2." "Elok sangat tu. Tapi siapa nama tuan?," To this day, I don't know why Encik XIO missed abang's name during the introductory session earlier. He had this little notebook to jot down all the answers to his queries. So he missed that one particularly important detail. "Nama saya Osman," abang said matter-of-factly. There was a short silence....... "HUHH!! OSMAN!!" Encik XIO went into monkey shock (sudah terkejut berok!)," Yang nak kawin tadi siapa dia?" "Osman juga, adik saya." "Osman? Osman bin Sudin juga?" Encik XIO was about to hyperventilate. "Macam tulah" I assumed abang was rolling his eyes. "Jadi yang mana satu yang nak kawin ni?" "Adik sayalah," abang said, sensing his wife's breathing heavily beside him. At the time Osman Sr was already 42 yo. Ripe age for mid-life crisis. "Macam mana jadi macam tu?!!" "Panjang ceritanya," Osman Sr said. "Ceritalah. Senang semua orang faham. Taklah nanti ada kekeliruan," Encik XIO engaged into his interrogation mode, again. "Adik saya ni...mak saya ada 11 anak, masa adik lahir bla ...bla...bla....silap isi borang......bla....bla...bla.....Dan, Din, Don......bla...bla.....ayah meninggal.....dan sekarang sayalah akan jadi walinya nanti." "Ooooo.....macam tu. Dah jelas sekarang," Encik XIO seemed satisfied. But nooo.....he had to go further. "Kalau macam tu, saya nak ambil nombor IC yang adik tulah. Supaya tak silap nanti," Ya Allah! Macam lah ini match-making punya pinangan....(ie when the bride did not meet the groom until the wedding date!) This young couple had known each other for the last 3 years. How could there be mistaken identities? Osman Sr turned to us at the back and whispered, "Hangpa ada nombor IC Dan?" Everybody shook heads....NAHI! "Pi telefon dia sat, tanya nombor IC dia. Orang pompuan nak," ordered abang. One of my brothers went out and called Osman Jr on his mobile. Back in the 90s, the mobile network coverage was not as extensive as today. So the line was bad. Ringggg! Ringg!!!! ...and mind you there were no polyphonic ringing tones yet, let alone Lenka's The Show tune. "Hello," Dan was on the other side. "Da///n, kami /// ka///t rumah ///Zu///ra ni. D//e//pa nak no///mbo//r I///C h////an///g//////." "Tak clear. Ulang sat apa dia?!" asked Dan. "Zura//////rumah/////nombor......", My brother jotted down the numbers given by Osman Jr@Dan, rushed into the house and passed it to Osman Sr. Osman Sr promptly handed it over to Encik XIO, "Ni nombor IC dia." The fact was, adik thought we were lost and had asked for the girl's home phone numbers so that we could ask for directions. That was what he heard through the broken conversation. And the numbers were now in front of Encik XIO. Encik XIO took one look, held the piece of paper close to him, then extended it forward and backward as if he was trying to read it more clearly. "EHHHHHH! Ini sama macam nombor telefon rumah ni.....," he said. "Iye ke?" abang said and then confidently blurted, "KEBETULAN saja tu." Of course he did not know the real story, but for that reply alone he deserved full-marks. The answer was so wrong but was also so right due to the circumstances. What did Encik XIO said? "Kebetulan? Hmmmphh.. orang2 muda sekarang, macam-macam. Cari pasangan pun nak nombor IC sama dengan telefon rumah," he geleng2 kepala while jotting down the "IC" numbers into his notebook. Kantoi lah Encik XIO on his post-pencen duty. We wondered whether he was given other assignments. If he was not because of that little mistake, we pity him, but at that time we all agreed, "Padan muka dia, tanya banyak sangat." Wallahu'alam. ps Today, Dan & Zura are happily married with 4 children. Lessons to be learnt from this episode of life is, Allah Maha Berkuasa and He arranged everything....EVERYTHING. Who would have thought that little deviations in the course of life, (like what emak/nurse did) could have had some effects on your life many many years down the road. So be good, as goodness will be rewarded when you have forgotten about it. And don't be bad, becoz you'll never know when it is going to hit you back with vengeance. Wassalam.